A while ago, a good friend of mine and I were hanging out in his driveway shooting the breeze when a man approached us on foot. He had very casual clothes, a gold tooth, rags and cleaning supplies. He strikes up a conversation with us, cracking jokes and overall just trying to connect with “the guys”. Then out of the blue, he sprays the driveway with some “magic” cleaner and wipes it with his rag—the result is a pristine white spot surrounded by the dark-grey driveway. He sprays the car tire, wipes it. My friend starts to protest. The last thing he wants is little clean spots sprinkled around his property. We, though laughing with our new friend from Florida, make it obvious that we are not interested in his product. Our friendly salesman then sprays his shoe and a window before we shake him and go into the house. Wow! Was he persistent!!…and incredibly disrespectful.

Fast forward. Our doorbell rings. I open the door. Oh no…they are back. I quickly tell him that I have seen his product and am seriously not interested. He says that was his competitor and his product is better. He cracks some jokes, tries to connect with me and sprays my window. Within a few minutes I manage to talk him down and he leaves.

Here is the thing. If a good friend of mine, or someone I had a relationship with, recommended the same exact cleaning product to me—heck, even gave me a demo—I would probably be using the product today. But when a complete stranger comes to my door, I don’t care what they are pushing, I am not interested. Why? It’s not the product; it’s the lack of relationship and trust.

Fast forward to last night—Valentine’s Day. Our doorbell rings. Oh no…they are back. Jen opens the door and I am sitting on the couch. I hear a man, who peaked through our window and saw our ultrasound pictures on the table, comment about the ultrasound pictures and Jen’s pregnancy. He begins to crack some jokes and try to connect with Jen. I hear him ask if she knew where the baby came from. (Huh?). And Jen tells them time and time again that this is not a good time, she is preparing dinner and its Valentine’s Day. Another man joins in and begins talking about Jesus. Again, Jen says it is not a good time. He hands her a handout and they leave. Same approach, different product. Same lack of respect, same end-game, same result—please leave, we are not interested.

Relationship is everything!! And I am talking REAL relationship. But before we judge our gold-tooth-cleaning-guy or LDS friends, how often have we been guilty of pushing Jesus without relationship? How many tracks? How many 5-steps, lines and canned approaches have we used? How many times have we tried to “connect” in an obviously false way in order to win them over? Sure, we may not go door-to-door, but that is not the issue……the lack of true and authentic relationship is. Without it, we are just another gold-tooth-cleaner-guy trying to push our product.

May we seek and build relationships with those who need to hear Christ’s love and forgiveness. It takes a lot of time and hard work, but in the end, if nothing else, you, I, and they get a real friend and a chance to be restored through Christ—together.

For more about relationships and “evangelism”, I highly recommend the book More Ready than You Realize.