When the Supplement Becomes the Meal

As we begin to dream of what a church built around smaller groups that focus on discipleship looks like, the topic of children’s ministry inevitably comes to the surface. What do the kids do in such a church and how do they get their consistent spiritual food? Within this context, what does “Children’s Ministry” look like?

This topic came up between my wife and I during one of Caleb’s soccer games. We were really wrestling with these thoughts, primarily because we grew up in weekly, program-driven children’s ministries. We have great memories of our childhood in church and are who we are today, I’m sure, is in part of all the people who had a hand in teaching us. We are thankful. Because of this, it is hard for us to imagine children’s ministry and discipleship without a weekly program run by paid staff. This is where this post gets deeply personal for us…

Our conversation turned a corner and revealed some deeper issues in us as Christ-following parents. Two issues, which are closely related, convicted us in a very gentle way. The first is what I see as the current role of today’s church, or more importantly, how we view its role. Is it a supplement or the primary meal? Let me explain.

Today, vitamins and other food supplements are very vogue. They were created to be a supplement to our main, consistent and healthy diet. Supplements were intended to be just that, a supplement. But more and more, people are using them as primary-ments. They don’t eat fruit and veggies, so they take supplements. They don’t eat enough calcium or protein, so they take supplements. Now supplements aren’t a bad thing, but when they take over the primary role, well, let’s just say, that is not how we were designed to function.

So back to children’s ministry. As Jen and I talked, this thought arose: If there is not a weekly children’s program for our kids go to, how will they get their consistent spiritual guidance and input? Then the light went on…WE are supposed to be their consistent. It is OUR role as parents to be their primary. The weekly thing is simply supposed to be a supplement (just about every pastor and children’s ministry leader would agree, as would most parents—in theory). But we realized something in that moment, the supplement became the meal. So much so, that it was very hard for us to imagine our children’s spiritual growth without the “supplement”.

The second thing that came to the surface was that we were OK with the supplement being the meal. It was easier for us as parents. It allowed us to delegate our “meal” role in our kid’s lives to others. As long as they are getting their weekly fix, we could rest-at-ease that they’ll be OK spiritually. Then we got really honest. The role as the main spiritual provider for our kids scared us. It is intimidating. We don’t feel qualified. What if we fail? Who do we blame? A deep sense of gut-check sunk in, and we didn’t quite like it.

But now that the truth was being exposed and expressed, we began to envision what the main course could look like in a community that we are dreaming. We began to imagine parents deeply wrestling with their role as primary spiritual providers in their kid’s lives. We began to see us learning together what that looks like supporting each other as parents. We began to envision groups of families traveling together to Mexico to serve the poor and be transformed ourselves, together as families. We began to picture a community where the children were included in the daily life of the adults. We began to see our friends as spiritual mentors to our kids instead of professional staff.

As these thoughts flooded to the surface, hope and peace followed. Maybe we can do this. Perhaps for our context, a more holistic and community-centered “children’s ministry” can be realized. But we also realized that we cannot do it alone. That we need to walk in this with our community as together we dream and draw courage. That we need each other to help see what God is doing in our kid’s lives so we can join in with him.

Here in lies the difficulty. When you have only known children’s ministry looking like “X”, it is hard to imagine what it looks like as “Y”. When all we’ve known is the supplement being the meal, it is hard to imagine the meal without the supplement.

(By the way, the “supplement becoming the meal” isn’t just a Children’s Ministry dilemma…)